I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize