my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
