Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
