Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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