i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
