I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
