i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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