im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
