my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
