dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
