obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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