You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
