I wannas sexs uuuuu
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
