You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
