so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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