dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am one with the molecules
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
