Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
