Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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