Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
