I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
