Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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