he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need water and some morals
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
