Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
