whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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