Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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