I could make wine with my vomit
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
