i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
