how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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