Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
