Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
