Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
