Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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