I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
