he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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