I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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