OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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