so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
