he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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