Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
