I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
