Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
