I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize