So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
