is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
