all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
