Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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