If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
