I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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