He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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