i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
