the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
