My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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