dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
