come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize