hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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