He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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