onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
