did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I could fuck to npr.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
