I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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