My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
