I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
