piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
