I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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