Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
