i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
