Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
