Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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