Four minutes until I can fart!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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