Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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