I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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