just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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