hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
